Taking heed of advices

I am giving up. On trying to cook.

One simply does not acquire that skill innately. I have had a couple of mishaps, these days while trying to cook. Scalded skin, oil splattered floor, and roasted pet rodents (this is obviously not true). Oh, and have you ever seen a shattering tofu?

If your answer was yes, you are obviously lying. Only I can make shattering tofu. That is, fried tofu that have around 80% chance of exploding in all directions when held over a frying pan.

And I say that with 95% confidence (hey, I am trying to study statistics at the same time).

Its kind of like a frag grenade. For those of you who don't know what a frag grenade is, a frag grenade is a elementary playschool toy. It has been proven to be the most effective in quieting a bunch of kids down. Kids really love to bite on anything resembling a pacifier and tugging at it with their mouths.

So as I was saying, the shattering tofu is like a frag grenade. And I am extremely grateful and thankful to Britney Spears for saving my life. God bless her.

Wait what? Frag Britney Spears's Tofu? How does it all make sense?

Ok, like all great stories, it is best to start at the beginning.

I was trying to cook my favorite dish. And as unfortunate as I can be, my favorite dish consists of preparing fried tofu. This cooking initiative was enforced legislatively by the senior member of my blood-bond closest kin relations. Or in simpler terms, my mum made me learn cooking.

So what ingredients do you need for frying tofu? All you need is tofu, cooking oil, and cornstarch/flour. Simple and easy. Roll the tofu in cornstarch and cook it in the pan using the cooking oil.

Now, I would like to provide you all with general tips in life, which I would like all to take heed.

1. Vinegar, looks like fucking cooking oil.

2. Baking Soda, looks like fucking cornstarch.

Oh yea, on a less important sidenote, mixing vinegar and baking soda gives you explosions.

Ok, I was exaggerating. There is only a sizzling reaction between baking soda and vinegar. Sure, bubbles are formed, but it isn't even close to an explosion.

Unless of course, you supply heat to the reaction.

So there I was, wasting my time cooking a dish. My "oil" has started to sizzle, and everything looked good. My "cornstarch" hasn't turned brown yet though, and I wonder why.

Then my playlist miraculously shuffles to the latest Britney Spears' song.

As a young and educated Singaporean, I recognized my priorities. I needed to change tracks. Preferably to something like Mogwai or the Weakerthans. Both are incredible bands.

As soon as I left the kitchen, everything in the pan turned into chaos. Tofu started jumping out of the pan. Some shattered and splurted stuff all over the place. Bits of tofu landed near the sink. The whole scenario was like some Pompeii revisit. I ended up being punished and force to clean the whole kitchen. So I spent the next 2 hours miserably trying to scrub off the tofu.

On a more optimistic point of view, I successfully managed to change tracks to the Weakerthans. And even better, I won't ever have to touch the frying pan again :D

Now do you see the reason why I am thanking Britney Spears? Because she makes such sucky music, it really makes you have to change it. And that miraculous moment saved my life. Because if I hadn't walked out, I might have ended up being really injured and burnt and paralyzed and crippled and killed. God bless her.

And of course, the above story is completely untrue (aww). I mean, who the fuck is gonna thank Britney Spears?

p.s. Vinegar and baking soda really reacts. A safe procedure to observe this reaction is to fill your baby brother's mouth with baking soda and force feed him vinegar to watch foams come out of his mouth. Do remember to close his mouth to restrict messing up the floor and of course, for easier disposal.

Lol out.

Do we really need good grammar/vocabulary?

I am writing back in response to the D grade I received for language during one of my fruitless exploits of the thing called Summative.

First of all, like any good argument, it should have logic and facilitate a civil discussion. Violence, swearing, and trolling should be avoided. I, and I like to think we, would perhaps want this argument to be ideal in terms of reflecting the issue at hand and not as a mean to provoke or verbally abuse each other. I hope this turns out to be a fruitful discussion which I would, try to effectively represent my ideas as an argument to why we don't need good grammar or vocabulary.

So let us start. As this is the initial stage of developing my arguments as a frontal assault into the depths of your mind, I would have to put a really good quote down. It is apparently completely useless and uninteresting if my introduction does not start with a quote. An epic quote always sways the fragile mind of my reader to support my ideals and arguments. The quote doesn't even need to have a meaning, just two really long words that seem to be substantial of a high level of vocabulary. As I am currently incapable of thinking of an original quote, I shall create one on the spot, and say it is a quote by a famous person. Heck, I will even create the person on the spot, as long as he has a short Christian name as his first name and a longer name that sounds German or English as his last name.

"Supremacy deviates the unintentional." This quote, by Jeff Averendon, depicts how useless grammar and vocabulary can be in today's world. Note that I used the argument in the context of today's world. My argument has to be absolutely updated, and omnipresent in every place in the world. Without these magical two words, you obviously jump on me like a wolf, and rip my argument into shreds. No I am not going to let you do that. You did that 4 years ago. No way am I going to give you a second chance. I have gained a lot of experience now, having taken lessons which contain the exact same content for close to 4 years. What I do not understand is, why you constantly come up and question me about the topic of feminism throughout these 4 years. My friends and I have already made our intentions clear: we are extremely unwilling to engage in an argument regarding that topic. Why do you have to constantly remind us? It would perhaps, be a better alternative if you based your argumentative questions on more important issues at hand, like whether red paint or green paint would look nicer on the garden gate? We would be more obliged to write a descriptive and argumentative essay regarding that.

If it inherently puzzles you, I would really prefer green paint, as it kind of matches the green of the garden. This is obviously completely dependent on whether your garden has a bed of roses. Red would be a better alternative for this situation.

This is the exact time you tend to criticize me. You take every opportunistic chance, to tell me that I have obviously gone out of point. You find the most ridiculous way to ridicule my argument, by searching extensively for a small part which might be insignificant to the issue at hand, and ask: Where is the link? Are you sure this is in the context of the argument? You repeat this question, again and again, in perhaps one or two arguments per essay I write. You state I went out of point. How? The issue at hand is whether we need good grammar/vocabulary, but why does that mean I cannot talk about color choices for the garden gate? Is it humane to do so, to restrict my rights and urges to write about the wonderful garden gate? The link between garden gates and grammar is nonexistent, you say? Don't they both start with the alphabet G? Don't they both end with R?

Again you spot a mistake. The word 'gates' don't end with R. The obvious weakness in my speelling creates an increased level of frustration within your inner chi. To vent your frustration, you decide to lower my grade in the language component. But first of all, of course you double check my name to make sure I am not one of those pitiful China nationals that might be slightly (or extremely) disadvantaged in my language proficiency. Why is there this bias? Don't they also have 4 years of training? How are you certain I didn't spend my primary school living in Shanghai and thus have lower standards of English (which I apparently did, for your information). Is there a need for such outright bias?

Slippery slope. I do not suffer from this chronic condition, but some of my friends do. I do not fathom the idea why it is inherently wrong to base your argument on other inter-linked arguments which leads to the current argument. Slippery slope arguments have nothing wrong with them, if they make sense using logic. And because they have nothing wrong with them, it is correct to use them. And because it is correct to use them, there should not be a penalty when using them. And because no penalty should be incurred for using them, slippery slope arguments make sense using logic.

Conclusions are difficult to write. Understandably, you are kind, and sympathize with us as you understand there might be a problem with our weak skills in time management. I thank you for that. Then you write a commentary underneath our conclusion, which is as I put it, completely illegible. We spend so much time, honing our penmanship to please you, and then in return receive feedback that look equivalent to amateur abstract art? I thank you sincerely.

I didn't put relevant examples? Again?

Lol out.