Oh god, I took 3 minutes to log in to blogger and find the "New Post" button. Gosh I hate the new blogger layout, it lags and is really confusing.
Funny thing is, 3 minutes isnt a really long time. I usually have more patience than that. I mean, waiting isn't all that bad anyway. You can do other stuff in the meantime. For example, I was eating my dinner while waiting. I recommend you to do other things while waiting. It is ridiculous to not do anything but wait. Lets say you wanna wait for your parents to die before you inherit their gold and assets. Do you sit around and do nothing? No goddamit, you suck up to them in the mean time so that a large proportion of gold and assets go to you and not to your damn siblings.
So for those of you that get incredibly impatient when waiting for something on your computer to load, go eat something in the meanwhile. Speaking of which, when I am at home, I eat all 3 meals in my room. Except on occasions like reunion dinners and birthday dinners which I am forced to go eat on the dining table. Those experiences are extremely distasteful (literally). Wow screw it I need to make better puns, but they are all lame now due to my swollen ankle.
As I was saying, I love eating in my room. Apart from the advantage of having something to do while my comp is lagging, the other real advantage is that I get to avoid eating food which I dislike. Basically due to the proximity of my computer table to the window, I launch food that I dislike out of the window, which can never be done in the dining room, where my mum can see my every action (this includes me trying to make fractal art with my noodles).
Yeah I really mean launch. I have attached a nifty mechanism on my window grill to perform such a spectacular task. The mechanism is made up of simply a huge spoon and a rubber band. Due to laziness I won't explain how the mechanism works in detail, imma gonna let your creativity help you visualize. If it helps, my window grills are horizontal, and the launching process closely resembles loading a catapault.
Hmm by now, you would probably have lots of questions. Like "Why would you waste food so simply? How about all the Africans that are starving? Isn't this killer litter? How does the mechanism work (I can't visualize)? Don't worry, I will answer them for you!
1. Why would you waste food so simply?
Ans: I believe I am not wasting. The food goes to the cats living below my block. I am merely sustaining the population of cats below my block and putting a positive selective pressure on weaker human beings that are allergic to cats (3 of them have moved out since the inception of my idea).
2. How about all the Africans are starving?
Ans: In contrary to popular belief, cats are more important than Africans. I know this concept is hard to grasp, but the impact and value of cats have been greatly increasing ever since the LOLcat meme came out. Thus I recognized my priorities. In fact, before the value of cats overtook the Africans, I did not waste food. Only when the balance tipped over in favour of cats, then I started launching food down for them. The time of the tip in balance was coincidentally also the time when my mum allowed me to have my meals in my room.
3. Isn't this killer litter?
Ans: No it isn't. I live on the 5th floor. I did a physics calculation: Since this was projectile motion, the collateral area my food fell on was limited to a small stretch perpendicular to my block (after accounting for various deviation from shaky hands while launching). Plus being only at 5th floor, the food could maximally fall at a harmless velocity. The only possible damage to the residents who happen to walk in that small stretch while I was launching is perhaps having orange coloured hair from the carrots I launch. In fact if they watch Bleach anime they might feel happy that they could cosplay Ichigo till they go home and wash their hair.
4. How does the mechanism work (I can't visualize)?
Ans: Hmm this means two things: you are either under 12 years old with the lack of creativity, or you are a woman above the age of 24 that have difficulties in spatial arrangement of 3D diagrams. Either way, you shouldnt be visiting this blog. If you are under 12, you should go and play with your transformer toys. If you are a woman above the age of 24, you should be in the kitchen making dinner for your spouse. The only reason you should use internet is to update your spouse on what he is having using facebook or twitter. This is the only reason why he bought you an iphone please.
(The 24 age limit before women start deteriorating in intelligence in general is true. This is why Singapore does not have compulsory NS for girls: For those doing further studies after their 4 years in university, if they had NS their age would likely be above 24, thus their intellgence drop will prove to be too troublesome.)
K hoped that this was helpful! Btw I don't really launch food out of the window, that is super retarded. But I have tested the mechanism and it works like a charm :P
Lol out.
